


What's In A Name

by Call_Me_CakeWife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Founders, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Melvin - Freeform, Melvin Gryffindor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:19:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Call_Me_CakeWife/pseuds/Call_Me_CakeWife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How likely is it that all four of the founders of Hogwarts had alliterative names?  The answer is, not very.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's In A Name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maq_moon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maq_moon/gifts).



Miss Ravenclaw sat down on one of the wooden chairs around the great room’s table, waiting on Helga.  She fidgeted with her long, black hair, combing through the ends with her slender fingers, the way that she always did, when there was something plaguing her mind.  The castle was nearly built, and they all were past ready for the school to be open.  She let herself get lost in the thoughts of her last conversation with Melvin, and missed the sound of the door opening.  She only lifted her head when she heard the sunny, Welsh greeting of Helga Hufflepuff’s voice sounding her name.    
  
“Gertie?”  
  
Gertrude made herself smile at Helga, but the shorter witch usually made it hard not to at least lift the corner of your mouth, she was so sweet.  “Helga,” she returned.   “Do you have a moment?  Can we talk?”  
  
The curvaceous blonde turned serious, taking a seat, and nodding.  “Darling, what is it?” she asked.  She always called Gertrude Darling, Dove, Love, or other pet names, but the taller witch never thought anything of it.  Helga was typically so nice and warm with everyone that it didn’t merit any more thought than that.  
  
Ravenclaw opened her mouth, but not knowing how to begin, she closed it again, to give herself a moment.  
  
“Gertrude, my love…  You can talk to me,” Helga coaxed.  
  
“It’s that.   I mean, I know I can, it's just... it’s my name.”  
  
“Your name?” she asked, confusion crossing her beautiful features.    
  
“Not just mine,” Gertrude answered, though almost tentatively.  “I had this thought… You see, you and Sally have names that _just suit,_ but more than that, they’re alliterative.”  
  
“Alliterative?” Helga asked, looking more perplexed than before.  She didn’t even think to comment on Salazar’s hatred of the nickname.  Of course, she used it with ease, herself, but with the best of intentions.  
  
“Yes.  Alliterative.  It means that your first and last names begin with the same-” she began, but Helga interrupted.  

“Gertie, Dove, I _know_ what it means,” she pointed out gently, taking Gertrude's hand in way that was both loving and a little unnecessary.  Helga adored Gertrude, but she didn’t always enjoy Ravenclaw’s way of explaining _everything_ like she was the only one who knew _anything_ at all.  She didn’t find Gertrude pretentious the way that Salazar was, but Helga could do without a lesson being dropped into every conversation.    
  
“Yes, of course,” Gertrude apologized, but she wasn’t entirely certain that the beautiful, young blonde understood her.  It wasn’t that she thought Helga was dim or anything, but she was certain that none of them were as smart as she was.  Not even Salazar, however much he tried to convince them that he was.    
    “Anyway, I’m thinking I should change my name.  Chose something alliterative.  Something that starts with-”  A look from Helga told her that she was better off not trying to explain it again.  “Something pretty,” the witch corrected, hoping that this covered her bases.

  
“Gertrude is pretty.  It’s a perfectly lovely name.  Gertrude.  Gertie.  Every time I hear the name, I think only of beauty,” Helga insisted.  
  
“That’s nice of you to say, Helly, but we both know it isn’t true.” Before Helga could interject her protest, Ravenclaw pushed on.  “I’ve had the idea for a while, now, and I’ve already talked to Melvin about it.  About how we should both do it.  Otherwise, we’re going to be forgotten.  Without standout names, no one is going to take us seriously.”  
  
“Oh, now, that’s just _mental,”_ Helga argued lovingly.  “I don’t believe that anyone could forget _you.”_ She stroked the top of Gertrude’s hand, and smiled up at her.    
  “And anyway, Gertie, Darling, Melvin wouldn’t change his name for all the gold in the goblins’ ground!  His grandfather built that name up out of the dust with his heroic deeds.  Melvin. Gryffindor. The. First.  Order of Merlin.  It has a regal sound to it, don’t you think?”  The apples of her pink cheeks were raised in a smile that seemed irritatingly made out of pure sunshine.  
  
“Actually,” Gertrude answered, “I don’t think.  Our Melvin has completely ruined the name by splitting so many muggle backsides in his adolescence that people have come to call it… Oh, Helga, they call wedging someone’s leggings up their bottoms ‘pulling a melvin.’  How can he tie that legacy to our school, without making us a laughing stock?”    
  
Gertrude had expected Helga to be as scandalized and ashamed as she was, but instead, the blonde just doubled over with laughter.  This… did not please Gertrude, and a sour expression overtook her thin face.  Seeing this, Helga struggled to swallow down the laughter, and try to be serious, again.  “Is that… really a thing?” she asked, fighting down a chestful of giggles.  
  
“Yes, it most certainly is a thing!” Gertrude snapped a little harshly, immediately feeling guilty about it.    
  
Gertrude’s reaction, however sorry for it she had been, sobered Helga immediately.  However, she waved her hand in dismissal as she spoke.  “Oh, no one will even remember that in a couple of years.  You watch.  They’ll be calling it something else in no time.”  
  
Gertrude sighed.  “I suppose you may be right…” she said grudgingly, “but I really would rather avoid the whole thing.  And anyway, Melvin really took to the idea.  We’ve agreed to each come up with our own list of names.  R names for me, of course, and G names for him.”  
  
“You could give him yours, if you’re so keen to get rid of it,” Helga suggested unhelpfully.  “Gertrude Gryffindor…  Has a ring, I suppose.” She didn’t like this idea at all, but it was easier to make it look like a bad one, rather than continue to argue the point that their names were perfect, just like the person- no, people wearing them.  
  
The name painted a completely different picture for Ravenclaw.  “I think I just gagged.  Honestly.  There will never be _any_ scenario in which our names are combined,” Gertrude assured her, and the words seemed to please Helga quite a bit.   “Perhaps I’ll suggest to him Gilgamesh.  I think it’s a good name.   _Gillllgamesh._  A handsome name.”  
  
“Don’t tell him that!” insisted Hufflepuff.  “It’ll go to his head.  That thing is already so big that it’s a wonder how it fits through the doors.”  The witches shared a good laugh over that.    
  
“It will be a good start,” Gertrude pushed on, getting back to the topic at hand.  “You’ll see.  We’ll rename Melvin, and claim that anything embarrassing, the binge drinking, the late nights trying to charm disreputable women, the… _Melvins…_  tied to that name is his brother’s or cousin’s doing.  Not our… Gilgamesh? Gawaine? Gareth?  We’ll get there.  It’s brilliant.  Everything about it is brilliant.”  
  
“Of course it is.  It’s your idea,” Helga said warmly.  “But I still think that-  
  
“And I’ll have a name worthy of respect,” Ravenclaw went on, seeming not to notice that Helga had said anything at all.  “Do you have any ideas?  I want something good.  Something elegant, and strong, and maybe a little regal.”  
  
Helga shook her head.  “I don’t think you should change a thing about you.”  
  
“Yourself,” Ravenclaw reflexively corrected, before even picking up on the sentiment behind Helga's words.    
  
Helga politely ignored this, and continued, “you’ll always be Gertie to me.”


End file.
